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My sister and I have long had this theory...call it a "conspiracy" theory (queue 'twilight zone' music)...that our parents are hiding something from us...that we're not really who they say we are...that in fact...we're aliens (...dum dum duuuuuuuuuuhhhh....) discovered by our "parents" and raised to be stereotypical Asian kids
Before you laugh at this seemingly foolish notion, consider the evidence below (take your time and slowly make your way down the page...don't skip ahead or you might miss important clues):
Fact 1:
Mommy and Bob both have poor vision, which forces them to don corrective lenses in order to perform their daily tasks...
...Juliana doesn't need corrective lenses nor does she have them...and neither do I
Fact 2: Neither parent has any sort of musical talent while Juliana possesses quite a bit of talent, and I, though inherently less coordinated, have a sharp musical ear.
Fact 3: We're both pretty weird.
Combine these facts with your own knowledge of the quirks, idiosyncrasies, and general weirdness that Juliana and I possess and you should, at the very least, be suspicious that something funky's goin' on...
If, however, this is not evidence enough to convince you, observe the following exhibits -- old pictures only recently uncovered in the basement, undoubtedly hidden away by the parents lest the true origin of their "children" be known. Exhibit A:
Sure sure...it's just a picture of me as a toddler holding a bottle...but look more closely...do you see them? Coming out of my head are two antennae with blue, spiral, yellow-eyeball looking ends...perhaps remnants of my extra-terrestrial origin...hmmmm...let's zoom in
Exhibit A-1:
Hmm...can't quite tell what it is, but definitely very interesting...and definitely bears resemblance to some form of extra "eyeball".
Need more evidence? That's understandable...so observe now exhibit B: Perhaps it looks as if I had an earache, maybe even an ear infection, which young children are particularly prone to developing. Or perhaps I hear an unsettling noise...the mothership, calling her lost children
Okay so at this point you're thinking, 'hmm...Ian's always been a bit odd...it's hard to believe, but just maaaaaybe his theory has some valid support. But what about Juliana?' Let's look at the next exhibit... Exhibit C:
At first glance, you might think, 'oh, nice family out on the deck, enjoying the evening.' Juliana, however, has long been capable of making faces that are...unhuman. This picture is an excellent example, so let's take a closer look... Hmm...indeed upon seeing this close-up, some of you may be as shocked as Juliana is in the picture. What the heck is she doing??? I've never seen that face on those "How're you doing today" shirts. Here to offer his insights on this photograph is well-known alienologist, Dr. Lee En. Professor? Your thoughts please... "Ah yes...what we have here is Juliana experiencing the phenomenon known as 'melting-face shock.' It is a well-known fact among alienologists that alien life-forms, on occasion, are able to act as signal receptors, with the head functioning as the 'antenna.' Knowledge of this is particularly useful for alienologists in identifying extraterrestrials, as when the alien life-form receives data from outerspace, the alien's lower jaw drops and the face appears to 'melt', if only for a few seconds, thus resulting in the aforementioned 'melting-face shock.' To have such an occurrence of this phenomenon documented by photograph is substantial support for the Han children's alien-origin theory." ~ Professor A. Lee En Wow, I'd say that's pretty convincing evidence right there. But perhaps you need one more piece of support to make you a believer. And you shall have it...
Observe below, in my opinion, the most startling and convincing evidence available...Exibits D-1 and D-2: |
